Oh No You Didn't

I think I laughed for about ten minutes when I saw this post over at Cute Overload.

Im On Ur Laptop

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Book Review: Creating a World Without Poverty

Yesterday I finished Creating a World Without Poverty, a book by Muhammad Yunus that covers a lot of ground but mainly focuses on social business. For those of you who are not familiar with the term, a social business lies somewhere between a for-profit business and a charity. For the most part, a social business operates like a for-profit business except it does not pay dividends - it only returns the original investment to it's investors, any profits are used to expand the business. Like a charity the goal of a social business is to meet a particular social need, but unlike a charity it seeks to be self-sustaining so that it does not have to rely on donors for cash.

While Dr. Yunus is clearly not a writer by trade, and occasionally gets a little pie-in-the-sky (no harm in that though), this is a very interesting read for those who want to learn more about this new paradigm for solving social problems. I know I have been writing a lot about microcredit, which is covered somewhat in this book, Grameen Bank is more the topic of Banker to the Poor, his earlier book. This book also covers a number of other Grameen business, of which Grameen Telecom was of particular interest to me. In my last class at school (Marketing Management), one of our projects was to come up with marketing idea for Nokia. While doing research, I learned a lot about how mobile phones can help transform developing economies by being used in novel ways. For example, in some countries mobile phones are used similarly to Western Unions to transfer money through prepaid phone cards. In many areas, mobile phone technology is being used to leapfrog landlines for telephone service and Internet connectivity. Grameen Telecom helped women from villagers (a.k.a. telephone ladies) to start their own microbusinesses by purchasing phones and selling use of their phone to people in and around their villages.

Much of the book is devoted to challenging a number of the assumptions of the current economic establishment, for example that poor people are not credit-worthy (Grameen Bank has a repayment rate of over 98% - which I'm guessing is much better than the repayment rates for most loans in the United States) or that the main engine for growth in developing countries has to be the creation of employment. Anyway it's a great and inspirational read (there's a reason he and Grameen Bank won the Nobel Peace Prize), and I would definitely recommend it. Unless you're an asshat.


Rating: * * * *

Match Update

Okay I know you have all been dying to know my most recent Match-ventures. For a while I didn't really check in much, and there wasn't much activity for a couple months. Anyway I was deciding whether to let my membership lapse about a month ago and all of a sudden was hit with a Match-valanche* of winks and e-mails. Now that I think about it, I wonder if Match bumps you up in people's search results when your subscription is coming up... (sounds a bit paranoid, but Match has already been sued for allegedly paying people to go on dates with people in order to keep people from pulling subscriptions).

The last month or so has been kind of annoying. One woman apparently needed me to send her an Evite to official formalize a date more than 24 hours in advance or she would make other plans. I went on two dates with another woman who I kind of had an emotional connection with, but she was a little boring and we didn't have much in common. I had another date with a 24 year old, which served to remind me why I don't date a lot of 24 year olds. She was nice enough, but it was like dating... a 24 year old. There was a Buddhist vegan who I traded a couple e-mails with, but after telling me my e-mail was one of the best she had received she kind of dithered around and stopped replying. And then there is the most annoying of Match creatures, the elusive I-winked-at-you-but-and-then-told-you-your-reply-was-great-but-then-I-didn't-reply-to-the-next-one-o-saurus.

My newest muse is training for triathlons and just got accepted into the Physical Therapy grad program at the U. After my run today, the latter may come in handy. Anyway it appears she is online at the moment, either crafting a witty e-mail or possibly blocking me from contacting her. Whatever it is, I will keep you updated.

*Okay, enough of the Match-related portmanteau

Book Review: The Sun Over Breda

It's a good night for a little blogging action. I had my inaugural Spring run today which went pretty well, although right now my legs feel like what I imagine they would if they were repeatedly beating by a large stick.

I finished The Sun Over Breda last week, another Perez-Reverte book. It's the third in the Captain Alatriste series, although there are six in Spanish. Captain Alatriste is a soldier in the 17th century twilight of the Spanish Empire (yes, Mindy, Spain was once a mighty empire). Like all of the books, it is narrated by Íñigo Balboa y Aguirre, the Captain's faithful squire (or mochilero if you want to get all technical on that ass). Although the first two books were based in Madrid, this time the action takes place in the Netherlands during the Eighty Years War, specifically the siege of Breda. For those not inclined to study the Siglo de Oro, Spain was nominally in control of the Netherlands but it was in the midst of a rebellion that would go on until the Peace of Westphalia in 1648.

Anyway, the Captain Alatriste series is kind of a pulp historical fiction, sort of an homage to Dumas, kind of a Spanish The Three Musketeers. Unlike his other novels, these are more like a quick beach read although that doesn't diminish them (I like this much better than The Painter of Battles). Anyway the book is mainly a series of raids, counterattacks, trench warfare, and basically a review of how crappy life was in the 17th century. It also covers the decline of the Spanish Empire, which interestingly is a startling corollary to the decline of our own country (for example, some of the causes of the collapse of Spanish power was its concentration on fighting pointless wars, maintaining an empire, and concentrating on finances rather than actually producing goods. Plus kicking people they didn't like out of their country. Religious extremism. Blowing up Muslims. Sorry, I'll get back to the book).

In short, I would recommend this book to anyone who is into historical fiction about derring-do and gruff Spanish captains with plumed hats. Or you could just watch the movie (which is in Spanish and costs about $50, but it does star Viggo Mortenson).

Another Kiva Update

Today I hit another Kiva milestone - my first loan repayment came in. Oleg paid off $100 of his $600 loan, of which $16.67 was returned to me. To celebrate this occasion, I am going to make my fourth loan tonight. It's always hard to decide whom to loan to - everyone seems like a pretty good candidate. I've been reading Creating a World Without Poverty and it, along with other information I've found, talks about how lending to women usually leads to a much bigger return on the investment (apparently men in less developed countries tend to spend the family's money on useless crap too). So I think I will focus my effort on women, and take a stab at another country. Let me put that into the Random Microloan Recipient Generator and press this button and see what it spits out...

(beep beep boop...)

...alright, we've come up with the Ketifallawo group in Kalerwe, Uganda. And no, I have no idea what Ketifallawo means (nothing on Google). This is another group loan and in case you were wondering, these kinds of loans are guaranteed by all of the members, i.e. if one member is late defaults the others are responsible for those payments. The group is made up of Anita, Annet, Grace, Sarah, and Joweria. The group members are looking to expand their businesses, by buying an extra sewing machine, more inventory, and iron sheets for a new poultry house among other things.

Th-th-th-that's All Folks!

Wednesday was my final class for grad school, ever. I have to admit that Marketing Management kind of ended on a sour note, seeing that I was expecting an A going into class and in the last ten minutes learned that instead I am getting a B+. That may not sound like much until you realize that I have a huge ego and have only gotten A's and some A-'s until now. Oh well. I liked the classes anyway, not so much the assignments and (apparently) never ended up seeing eye-to-eye with the professor on things. On the plus side, the take-home final was optional if you liked your grade and seeing that I had what I guessed was an equal chance of going up or down I decided to be lazy and do nothing. Anyway I won't gripe too much lest I get too many smart-alec comments from Mindy.

Graduation is late May, and there is some kind of graduate dinner before then but I think it's the weekend I am traveling to Rochester, NY to visit my grandad (seriously, why is everybody planning something that weekend, huh?). In more positive news, I did learn that I have "earned top academic honors as a Carlson Scholar based on [my] achievements" at grad school. What exactly does one get for such an honor you ask? Piles of cash? Travel? A great job? A gold- and jewel-encrusted plaque heralding my achievements? No, even better! I will be recognized at graduation with a gold honor cord! Because that's what all new graduates need - cords.

Postin' in the Boy's Room

Hello there, I am taking today off for no good reason other than I want to, because that's what we do here in America (take that terrorists!). The weather here in Minneapolis is horrible, kind of a wet, windy, rain-snow-slush fest that is a pretty fitting end to the crappy winter we just had. However, my condo is nice and toasty so it's a good day to snuggle up to my keyboard and type up a couple posts, among other things.

This morning I finished another drawing, and this time I stepped up the difficulty another notch. Instead of just drawing Otis, this time I decided to let Mindy join in the fun. I'm not sure what Otis is doing here, perhaps his Baby Jesus impression, but he sure looks funny (Maybe E.T.? Otis-in-a-blanket?). You've probably figured it out but the Nordic goddess looking chick is Mindy.

Now if you've ever tried to draw people, particularly people you know, it can be very frustrating. It's not that people are that hard to draw it's that even small mistakes are very noticable. I'm sure you've heard that beauty is largely defined by symmetry (damn you Denzel Washington!) and I think we are all acutely attuned to notice this. Not only that, but I think it's fair to say that any artist that tries to draw one of his friends is basically one set of buck teeth away from being alone.

Compassionate Action for Animals Dinner

Well, last night was the Compassionate Action for Animals dinner which was held at the Coffman Memorial Union. It seemed a bit strange that I've been going to the U for three and a half years and have never been there before. But seriously, do people actually buy books from the bookstore? It's called Amazon people. Sorry, I'm getting off topic here.

Anyway CAA is either the organization which Mindy volunteers at to help animals live better lives and promote vegetarianism and veganism, or is a bunch of dirty hippies who formed a club for people who want to destroy America. You decide. Anyway, I'm sure if you know Mindy or read her blog she went veg last summer and in that short period of time has worked herself all the way to Volunteer of the Month at CAA. What. A. Nerd. Anyway this week she was running around trying to get the banquet and silent auction together for last night, and seems to have pulled things off quite well.

The silent auction was full of interesting stuff that people had donated. I told Mindy I would donate a date with me but I guess she was too busy to get back to me on that one. There was a lot of artwork though, plus some yoga classes, pottery, some concert tickets and other stuff. I bid on a couple things and got a big old basket full of vegan goodies (note to self: vegan does not always mean low calorie... burp...) and some fancy schmancy doggie shampoo kit for Otis. Mindy bid on around ten things and was close to being on the hook for almost $300 but ended up being outbid on about half of them. After that was the banquet, where we ate way too much food that was donated from various local businesses. After that there were a couple speeches, and then we collected the stuff we won at the silent auction. The end.

The Same, Just Different

Well I went out on a limb again and drew another one of Mindy's animals, Kisa (whom hopefully you can tell is a cat). I have to say that drawing Kisa is much harder than Otis, for a number of reasons:

1) While Otis has three basic colors (black, white, and a little pink), Kisa's fur alone has many shades of tans, browns, and grays, plus pink around the ears and several greens and some blue in her eyes. Armed only with my Crayola 64-pack it wasn't quite possible for me to replicate the exact colors but hopefully I came pretty close.

2) The texture of Kisa's fur lends itself to a medium like painting, where it is fairly easy to layer a light on top of dark; for example, whiskers or the areas of fur where it looks kinda frosted.

3) Unlike Otis' sleek fur, Kisa has almost no distinct lines except her eyes - which means pretty much everything has to be drawn as a texture.

4) I have access to fewer pictures of Kisa. Of course, maybe she could help out by making funnier facial expressions or dressing up in outfits more often.

Catmoflage

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You, Sir, Are a Moron

In less charitable news, I am starting a new feature I think I'm going to call You, Sir, Are a Moron unless I can come up with something better. I read a lot of online news and blogs and quite often I get annoyed with some of stupid things people say (not you Mindy!), so I am getting to be letting a little steam off by dumping on them.

Tonight's installment comes courtesy of CNN, that bastion of news integrity that it is, in an article on people how those people in the subprime industry are holding up. In an online article called Careers Vanish After Subprime 'Free Fall', which focuses on a couple that both worked for suprime lenders and recently lost their six-figure jobs. Ace reporter Chris Isidore captures in vivid detail the dramatic cutbacks this Orange County couple have had to make: trading in his Corvette for a (gasp!) Suburban, getting rid of their gardener. The part that really got my goat was when the husband said "It's very expensive to live in Orange County, and you pay a lot for your home and you can't get what it's worth now."*

Attention, Captain Asshat: here's a newsflash - your home is worth what you can get for it. That's the definition of what it's worth. You would think that someone in the mortgage business would know that but then again these two geniuses somehow didn't anticipate that there might be some employment issues in the subprime lending industry considering the fact that they both worked in it and that many experts have warned about this collapse for years.

You, Sir, Are a Moron.

*Italics mine

Kiva Update

Well, my little project on Kiva is marching forward in good order. I've made two loans so far and just made another. After making sure that my previous loan to Oleg went through smoothly, I loaned another $100 to Rahim in Afghanistan who sells shoes and needed to buy some fresh stock, and today I made a $100 group loan to Sarwer in Pakistan to help her buy another floor grinding machine to rent out. The rest of the group is looking to borrow money for their window glass sales and rickshaw businesses (I assume the latter is the kind you drive, not pull).

Assuming all goes according to plan, I should start seeing my first loan repayment come in by the end of next week or so. In other microcredit related news, I am also reading Creating a World Without Poverty, a book by the aforementioned Muhammad Yunus about social business. When I am done reading that I will write another book review that you won't bother to read.

Book Review: The Painter of Battles

As a few of you know, I tend to read a lot but such activities have been curtailed a lot by grad school. Well, now that school is only a week and a half from being done and I am done with all my assignments I've gotten back into reading. As some of you also know I am a big fan of Arturo Perez-Reverte, a Spanish author probably best known for The Club Dumas (upon which the movie The Ninth Gate was loosely based), the Captain Alatriste series, and a couple others.

The basic plot of the book revovles around Falques, former war photographer, who has given up the camera and at the moment is painting a mural in a tower. The book goes back and forth between Falques interactions with a Croatian ex-soldier who shows up one day and tells Falques that a photo he took ruined his life and that he is going to kill him, and flashbacks involving his ex-lover who was killed when she stepped on a landmine in Bosnia. The only real twist comes right at the end and is a bit underwhelming. Frankly, I'd say Arturo kinda phoned this one in. The book is pretty short (200 pages) and is cut from a pretty standard Perez-Reverte cloth: downtrodden borderline anti-hero, mysterious unknowable femme fatale, sinister bad guy. Given his real life experience as a war reporter, he does bring perspective to the book but I don't think it saved the book from being much more than mediocre. If you want to read any of his books, I have all of the ones (that have been translated into English, anyway).

Rating: * *

Otis Loves His Lobster Costume

What a sad-sack.

More Drawings, This Time Something Different

Well, I actually managed to draw something besides Otis for a change. I'm not sure what the title is, but here is a recreation of a Japanese woodprint by Hokusai Katsushika, who is perhaps best known for The Great Wave off Kanagawa. This piece probably dates back to the early 1800s. For the barbarians out there, these kind of woodprints are from a school of art called ukiyo-e or "floating world." They tend to be rather stylized rather than realistic, in part due to the nature of printing with woodblocks.

My New Thing: Kiva

Well I'm staying home with the sniffles today so I thought it would be a good opportunity to finally set up my account on Kiva this morning. I first read about Kiva on Andrew Leonard's How the World Works blog at Salon (articles here and here), which by the way is a a great way to keep up with all things economic unless you are an operative for the RNC. Anyway, apparently Bill Clinton has been stumping for Kiva as well.

So for those of you who don't know what Kiva is, it's a non-profit company that allows people like me to loan money to the working poor around the world, a practice generally referred to as microcredit. The loans requested are generally pretty small, from a few hundred to a couple thousand. Traditionally most of these people have been ignored by the traditional finance system because they lack collateral, a credit history, or are generally considered not profitable. Microcredit has received a fair amount of press in the past couple of years, as Bangladeshi entrepreneur Mohammed Yunus and the Grameen Bank won the Nobel Peace Prize in 2006 for their work in microcredit and economic development. Hopefully some day the worldwide microcredit infrastructure will be built up enough so that organizations like Kiva are no longer needed, but until then I figured I would give a hand.

So for those of you wondering where all of the money for the Christmas gifts you didn't get went, this is where it is going. I did a little math and figured if I threw in some money for myself that might come out somewhere around $500 so the plan is to lend $100 to five different people. One of the hardest things to do is to decide whom to make a loan to. Each entrepreneur has his or her (or their) own story posted on Kiva, and it's hard not to want to give all of them a helping hand. Since I had to pick some methodology I guess I am going for a mix of geographic distribution. I made my first loan this morning to a guy named Oleg, a taxi driver from Ukraine. An unexpected choice, but Oleg appeared to be having problems attracting loans - my guess it's because he looks like a pretty jovial white guy (seriously Oleg, you need to work on your 'downtrodden' look). Anyway Kiva lets you attach a banner for your guys such as the one below, which I think should update as they move towards their loan goal. I'm going to wait a couple days to make sure everything goes swimmingly, and then I'll let you know about the other loans.

More Fun With Otis

Well gang, once again here is another drawing of Otis, this time with his good buddy Phoebe. I was starting to wonder whether I could actually make a living out of drawing pictures of Otis but then I realized my income would be limited by Mindy's discretionary income and willingness to keep buying pictures of her dog from me. Oh well, maybe I will stick to helping her with designs for her new web business.

What I Really Wanted For Christmas

As many of you know this year the Christmas season was a little drab with me coming down with strep throat and various other potentially life threatening illnesses. My Christmas shopping experience was basically non-existent, and like they say when you don't giveth thou shalt not receiveth... um... much. Or something like that. My parents sent me some neat stuff and a check for home decorating, and my brother and sister-in-law got me an iPod Shuffle, and my friend Jacob and his family got me some hot sauce and some chocolate. I was a bit disappointed that I didn't get the one thing I was really hoping for. What's that? TRUCK NUTZ. Yes you heard correctly. Truck Nutz. Okay so maybe I don't own a truck, but you don't need a truck to enjoy these babies. According to their website, you can get "properly sized Nutz for motorcycles of all sizes, trikes, ATV's, golf carts and similar sized rigs." You can even get them in key chain form.

But sooooome people just don't get it. Maryland delegate LeRoy Myers is trying to introduce legislation that would ban Truck Nutz and other displays of anatomically correct human or animal genitals on motor vehicles. I have one thing to say to delegate Myers: GET OFF MY NUTZ.

Update 4: Drawerings Part II

Alright, here is part two of my recent drawing binge. Here is Otis taking a siesta on the heater after enjoying a couple Coronas at Mindy's winter fiestaval. I just made that word up. Fiestaval. Anyway I have to research what my next drawing will be.

Update 3: Me and My Drawerings

"Well you know my name is Simon

and I like to do drawerings..."

Something else I have gotten back to is drawing. I hadn't really done anything in a while so I thought it was time to work on a little portfolio. I decided to start with some drawings of Otis, everyone's favorite boston terrier. I finished the first one, a piece I like to call Otis Chewing on Bone (I uploaded a copy below). I am mostly done with the second one, Otis in Pancho with Beer, which I will post later when I have finished it.

Update 2: Grad School Marches On

Fall semester ended a couple weeks ago, leaving only one class left to go in the spring. Financial Accounting was a snap especially after the infamous Financial Statement Analysis. Ethics was okay - the topics were sometimes interesting but any class with sixty students and a class participation grade is bound to result in a lot of argument-by-sound-bite. I was really glad that I decided to write the final paper the week ahead of time because write after that is when I came down with strep throat (and believe me, there was no writin' nuthin when you have strep throat).

I also have paid my final tuition bill and purchased my last school book. In fact, my grad school related cash flow will in fact be positive due to the tuition reimbursement money I will have coming back. My last class is Marketing Management, one of our core classes. In case you were wondering, no, I did not concentrate in marketing.

It'll be kind of strange to not be in grad school anymore. Class starts in two weeks and then runs for eleven weeks. I'll be glad to be done, but I've talked to a bunch of people recently about how you start to identify yourself as a "grad student," as this seems to carry some cachet in certain circles. This is especially true when your job is boring and rather hard to describe to people. Oh well, like Mindy I'm starting a new job hunt in 2008. I'm sure you are all as excited about it as I am! Yeah!

Triumph Strikes Again

Here is another pretty hilarious post involving Triumph the Insult Dog, this time dumping on Bon Jovi:

Miss South Carolina Hearts Geography

I guess Mindy was too good to post this on her blog, but in case you were wondering why Americans have such a problem with geography just ask the third runner up for Miss Teen USA:

Update: Reason, Me

Well gang I suppose it's time for me to start to update the old blog again. Not too much has happened lately, with me coming down with strep throat a couple weeks ago which then transformed into some kind of cough which is finally just about done. That kind of put the kabosh on the whole holiday season, but we'll survive somehow. There are a number of updates for you (school, presidential race, Match, etc.) though but instead of making some kind of mega-post I will spread stuff out over a bunch of posts.

Anyway, this weekend was sort of a Mindy-Meg Super Party. As usual, it was at the Local which is one of the, um, local Irish pubs. It's a pretty nice joint, although I did learn that they replaced Strongbow cider with Magners, an Irish one. Although the name doesn't exactly roll off your tongue it tasted fine, although our waitress was not a fan of the change. Then again, I suppose serving a beer named after an Englishman who help invade Ireland in the 12th century doesn't really make a lot of sense. Anyway, it was sort of a blogger fest with many local and international bloggers in attendence. Most of you should know Mindy from Mindy Does Minneapolis, and Meg blogs out of NYC at Hobocamp. Christine of the now defunct Clog Blog was there and Jason of St. Paul Living fame was there with his new boyfriend Corey. Bobbi Jo of bobbiloblawslawblog was there as well with some friends, Katie was there with her fiance (she blogged for about two weeks). Non-bloggers included Heather K and Ben who I think went to college with Mindy.

A good time was had by all, although with this crowd there must always be some drama. Christine was all sad because her fiance had to go back to grad school in Pittsburgh. Mindy broke off her Internet relationship with her Internet boyfriend because apparently he Internet sucked, or something like that. Meg is leaving NYC to go to grad school, and it turns out that Heather has been sick for about as long as I have. Personally, I had to swallow my pride when Corey (who was sitting right next to me) announced that he had a ton of great, single women friends but he couldn't find any straight men to set them up with. While Ben was offered a hook up with one of Corey's fabulous co-workers the plan for me was apparently to accompany them to the Saloon. That's a gay nightclub. Corey thought that a lot of straight women went there to meet straight men. I will let you come to your own conclusion about that, but I'll just say that I think I have a better chance at meeting eligible women at a Promise Keepers' rally than at the Saloon. Seriously. This is the story of my life.

In other strange news, it turns out that Meg is going to Tanzania to do volunteer work this summer on what appears to be the same program that someone I know is on right now. Combined with the lionologist that makes three people I have met recently who have, are, or will be spending significant time in Tanzania. The funniest part is that they were both told to buy baggy pants before they went on the trip, because apparently in Tanzania the sight of a white woman in hot pants is enough to cause major street rioting. Apparently this is due to some kind of butt fetish, which I can relate to (although I don't go around tipping cars over and lighting them on fire or anything).

Facebook Stalker

This video may be a bit amatuerish, but it does a pretty good job of summing up my feelings about Facebook.

"Return on Success" Garners Lowest Approval Rating Among War Slogans

Washington, DC - In another setback for the President, a recent Zogby poll showed that the new slogan "Return on Success," unveiled September 13th, has only a 22% approval rating among voters. Unlike previous slogans, such as "Mission Accomplished" (88%), "Stay the Course" (72%), and the lesser known "Adapt to Win" (55%), "Return on Success" has failed to capture the hearts of Americans. While some critics said that the slogan failed to resonate because it was misleading since the troop draw down was inevitable no matter what Bush wanted and that the surge strategy has failed to meet most of its benchmarks and that the President has steadfastly refused to even define success, pundits think its failure to resonate is more elemental. "One word: lame," said one prominent Republican strategist who asked not to be identified. "This is the guy that brought us bold pronouncements such as 'Plan for Victory' and 'A New Way Forward,' and this is the best he can do? It just makes him sound like a huge pussy."

In other news, rumors are swirling around the blogosphere that Internet sensation Peter Unzipped will be launching a contest soon to help Bush select his next slogan. Peter Unzipped could not be reached for comment.

What Not To Wear: Pete Edition (Part V)

I thought I had covered most of the fashion disasters around here, but I was wrong. Some people have still not gotten the message.

First off, memo to Roger Federer, re: the all-black look is not in. Even for you. Even the All Blacks from New Zealand barely get a pass on this one. This look was not cool even in the mid-90's when it was in vogue. I don't care if you're the best tennis player of all time this fashion statement is definately out of bounds.

Secondly, anyone wearing a big fluffy hat is hearby declared in fashion default. That means you Mystery. That means you Tommy Lee. That means you Pamela Anderson. Consider yourselves warned.

Another troubling fashion trend I have noticed in both celebrities and common folk is the short tie look. I've been looking for a photo in vain but I was watching football on ESPN this weekend and saw Emmitt Smith wearing a short dress tie that I swear ended at least four inches above his belt buckle. On purpose. Now as many of you know I have complained previously about larger people whose ties are too short because they refuse to buy extra long ties. But to do this on purpose is just unforgivable. I've also seen several people try and pull this off here in Minneapolis. If you see any of these people, please help them. And if you see Emmitt, please tell him to stop getting fashion advice from Michael Irvin and Steve Smith.

Last but not least, I was watching the news the other day and Robert Draper, author of Dead Certain - the new biography of George Bush, was having an interview with my personal hero Wolf Blitzer. Mr. Draper is a correspondent for GQ, who is from Texas and became acquinted with the Bush family while working at Texas Monthly. Anyway this file photo on the left doesn't quite do his hair justice so I attached the following video of Draper doing an interview with Bill Maher which will give you a better picture of the... amazingness of his hair. Beyond wondering how someone who works for GQ would be allowed to have this haircut, I knew Draper had ripped this hairstyle off from somebody. It took me a little while, but then it came to me. Robert Draper stole his hair style from Jean-Baptiste Emmanuel Zorg, Gary Oldman's character from The Fifth Element. My advice to Mr. Draper - do not bogart the hairstyle of a fictional super-villian from the future.

The Official Peter Unzipped Worst Comment Written On Your Blog Contest

There have been a lot of buzz lately about the general nastiness that seems to be taking over the blogosphere. The anonymity of the Internet seems to make a lot of people feel like that have the license to spew hate and bile all over the place. I suppose there is some upside to this - it reminds us that beyond the PC face of America there is still a lot of hate out there and we still need to deal with it. The most prominent headlines lately have involved online attacks and threat against women bloggers, ranging from offensive Internet trolls, to slander, to threats of violence and rape. Probably the best known case involves Kathy Sierra, a top one hundred blogger who shut down her blog after receiving threatening posts.

On a somewhat lighter note, many of our blogs around here have received there share of inane trolling. Mindy, for example, have received some lovely comments such as these from Captain Diaperhead-Terror-Watch-Listed-Iranians. In honor of the the people who heroically put up with these morons, I am kicking off the Official Peter Unzipped Worst Comment Written On Your Blog Contest.

The rules are pretty simple. The contest will run for about two weeks or whenever I decide to end it. Simple post a comment with the particular comment(s) and provide a link to your blog post. Once the contest is over I will declare a winner, who will receive fabulous cash and prizes* and the First Annual Don Imus Memorial Nappy Headed Hoes Award. Now, I know Mindy has a couple other zingers buried on her blog so you better get going!

*Some leftover Danish and Hungarian coins

Chino Latino Settles Really Ironic Lawsuit

Local trendster restaurant Chino Latino recently settled a lawsuit file on the behalf of latino employees by the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (EEOC) alleging mistreatment. The lawsuit alleged that latino workers were subjected to racial slurs, were given shorter breaks and more discipline, and that two workers were fired for organizing a meeting that took their complaints to management. Chino Latino agreed to pay $325,000 and take several steps to prevent further discrimination.

No word on how crappy they treated the Chinese employees.

Peter Unzipped 2008 Presidential Election Coverage: Christopher Dodd

Chris Dodd is the one candidate for which I have no idea why he is running. When your angle appears to be the "anti-war candidate that is not Mike Gravel or Dennis Kucinich" you really just need to drop out of the race. The media basically ignore him, he has zero chance of winning, and he doesn't appear to be pushing any issue in particular.

Candidate: Christopher Dodd
Party: Democrat
Age: 63
Birthplace: Willimantic, Connecticut
Education: B.S. Providence; J.D. University of Louisville
Resume: Peace Corps - Dominican Republic1968; U.S. Army Reserve 1969-1975; Lawyer 1973-1980; U.S. Senator 1981-
Lazy Media Narrative: Wait, Chris Dodd is still running?
Campaign Motto: "Leadership When America Needs It Most"
Websites: http://chrisdodd.com/splashpage/, http://www.myspace.com/senatordodd

Besides his ability to rhyme his last name with works such as squad and pod (as in iPod), Chris Dodd's campaign seems to be based on being the loudest proponent of of the positions of the "Democratic base." My take on Dodd is that his positions aren't really that different from the leading Democratic contenders, except that they are aiming at a national audience while he is focused on the base so he can afford to come off as more liberal.

Other than that, Dodd's only other major accomplishment that I know of is being known as a corporate shill. In 1998, he was dubiously awarded a Golden Leash for his ties to the accounting and other industries after contributions from various companies went up five fold after Dodd passed industry-friendly reforms. Dodd is also largely credited with limiting auditor liability rules which helped lead to the Enron collapse and other accounting related fiascos.

Does anyone know anything actually interesting about Chriss Dodd? Anyone?

Peter Unzipped 2008 Presidential Election Coverage: Mike Gravel

Today's coverage is on everybody's favorite crank candidate, Mike Gravel. Gravel has been busy the last couple months out-Kuciniching Dennis Kucinich and has provided us with some of the great moments of the 2008 campaign so far. Sure, the federal government might cease to function if he actually got elected but you gotta give Mike one thing - the man has balls. Whether he is stating the obvious when the other candidates are too careful to, or proposing some nut-job idea, Mike Gravel always calls it the way he sees it.

Candidate: Mike Gravel
Party: Democrat
Age: 77
Birthplace: Springfield, Massachusetts
Education: B.S. Columbia University's School of General Studies
Resume: United States Army Intelligence Agent 1951-1954; Alaska House of Representatives 1963-1966; U.S. Senator 1968-1980; various jobs 1980-1989; founder of The Democracy Foundation 1989-
Lazy Media Narrative: Far-left curmudgeon
Website: http://www.gravel2008.us/

Mike Gravel has been around for quite some time, and before running for President in 2008 he was best known for (as a U.S. Senator) helping release the Pentagon Papers and for blocking legislation renewing the Vietnam draft by staging a one-man filibuster for five months until Nixon and key Republicans agreed to let it expire. After two terms as a Senator for Alaska, Gravel lost the 1980 Democratic primary and conceded that he had "alienated almost every constituency in Alaska." In 2006, Gravel announced that he was running for President of the United States.

Currently, Mike Gravel's biggest issue is that of direct democracy. He runs The Democracy Foundation, which promotes the National Initiative which in short is trying to create ballot initiatives and the federal and all other levels. Currently ballot initiatives are available in half the U.S. states and a number of smaller jurisdictions. Considering that most ballot initiatives I have heard of tend to be cheap Republican stunts I am not sure whether Peter Unzipped can endorse this position at this time.

Other Gravel concerns are universal health care, better education, decriminalization of drugs, ending the death penalty, reducing energy dependence, and replacing the income tax with a national progressive sales tax (see: FairTax, normally put forth by libertarian curmudgeons like Neal Boortz). He is pro-choice and often rails on the military-industrial complex. In the past he worked to stop nuclear testing off of Alaska and has worked on Inuit affairs.

The best part of Mike Gravel though is the shit that comes out of his mouth. This guy has more lines than a coke dealer. There are a ton of great YouTube clips of Gravel below but I picked out my two favorite below. The first is Mike Gravel talking about gays in the military at an LGBT festival and the second is some kind of post-modern Gravel campaign ad. In one of the recent Democratic debates, Bill Maher asked Gravel about rising obesity and failing schools and whether or not he would be willing to tell Americans that they were getting fatter and dumber. Gravel replied (clip here): "I am prepared to tell you that Americans are getting fatter and dumber. I have no problem saying that." Gravel finished by saying:

Now, can the American people stand that kind of leadership? That remains to be seen.

How true, Mike, how true.

Gratuitous Video Post of the Week

I think these commercials by EqualMarriage.org pretty much sums up the gay marriage issue for me.

William Donohue Needs to Calm Down

Kathy Griffith won a Creative Arts Emmy the other day, and gave the following acceptance speech:

A lot of people come up here and thank Jesus for this award. I want you to know that no one had less to do with this award than Jesus. Can you believe this shit? Hell has frozen over. So, all I can say is, 'Suck it, Jesus.' This award is my God now.

Of course, this sent William Donohue of the Catholic League into a fit (admittedly, it is actually hard to tell when William Donohue is having a fit since he appears be unable to speak in any tone other than 'loud and angry'). Donohue demanded that E! censor the show and, like the obedient lapdogs to the dominant hegemony they are, E! complied.

First off William, have you ever seen an awards show before? My guess is the answer is no, because if you had you would have realized that the main target of her sarcasm was all the people who give sappy and/or phony shout-outs to God and/or Jesus during awards ceremonies as if them winning the Life Achievement Award for Daytime Drama was all part of the divine plan.

Plus it's hard to take this too seriously coming from a guy who said this during a discussion of Passion of the Christ: "Hollywood is controlled by secular Jews who hate Christianity in general and Catholicism in general." He has also offered up zingers such as "...I'm pretty good at picking out who the queers are..." and claims that the little problem that the Catholic Church had with child rapists was actually a homosexual issue, not a pedophile issue. Really anyone who has ever heard Donohue on TV before (why anyone besides Fox News keeps inviting him back I have no idea) knows that every time somebody does or says something he doesn't like he goes on some crappy news show and screams and calls them a bigot.

Do you want to know why some people are skeptical of the Catholic Church William? It's you.

Besides, I know from my personal relationship with Jesus that he actually loves My Life on the D-List and watches it all the time. He said he saw the award show and though that shit was hilarious.

Oh by the way William, Kathy Griffith called and said to thank you for the free publicity.

Heartwarming Story of the Day

It was a pretty boring day at work today, but I did manage to come across this story. I had seen an Animal Planet show where dogs were surrogate parents for wolves, but this 10-year old chihuahua Mimi decided to adopt four baby squirrels that some guy found after he cut down a tree. Check it out!

Peter Unzipped 2008 Presidential Election Coverage: Mitt Romney

In order to help readers better understand the candidates running for President in 2008, I have decided to write official Peter Unzipped summaries of each of the candidates. I have decided to start with Mitt "Double Guantanamo" Romney, definitely one of the more interesting candidates.

Candidate: Mitt Romney
Party: Republican
Age: 60
Birthplace: Detroit, Michigan
Education: B.A. Brigham Young University, JD/MBA Harvard University
Resume: Boston Consulting Group 1974-1978; Vice President Bain & Company 1978-1984; co-founder of venture capital and leveraged buyout firm Bain Capital 1984-1998; CEO Bain & Company 1990-1991; President of the U.S. Olympic Winter Games 1999-2002; Governor of Massachusetts 2003-2007
Lazy Media Narrative: Can a Mormon be elected president?
Websites: MittRomney.com, The Five Brothers (his sons' blog)

Best Known For: Looking plastic; flip-flopping; being a Mormon; winning the Iowa Straw Poll; his favorite book being Battlefield Earth by L. Ron Hubbard; being the richest candidate in the Presidential race

With sinking gubernatorial approval ratings, Romney announced in late 2005 that he would not seek a second term as Massachusetts governor and decided he should run for President instead. Romney officially entered the race in February 2007. Despite concerns over his religion and his ever-changing political views, Romney had an impressive early showing and raised large amounts of money, but it turned out that his appeal was mainly that Republicans really didn't like any of the other candidates at the time. Now that this role has been taken over by Fred Thompson, Romney's campaign is sinking fast. Romney won the recent Iowa Straw Poll, although front runners Giuliani, Thompson, and fourth place John McCain all skipped the event. When asked about the absence of the other front runners, Romney stated: "If they'd thought they could be successful here, they would have been here. Their decision not to compete here was not a decision based on a position of strength." Sure Mitt, either that or maybe it was because the Iowa Straw Poll is a meaningless, non-binding contest won by the candidate who buses the most Iowans to Ames.

Like most of the other Republican front runners, Romney spends most of his time making crazy right-wing pronouncements in order to distract people from his moderate past. For example, during a May Presidential debate (clip below), Mitt responded to a question about the detention of suspected terrorists by saying "I don't want [suspected terrorists] on our soil, I want them in Guantanamo where they don't get access to lawyers... some people have said we outta close Guantanamo, my view is we outta double Guantanamo."

In August, Romney was asked why none of his sons had enlisted in the military, Romney said (clip below): "It’s remarkable how we can show our support for our nation, and one of the ways my sons are showing support for our nation is helping to get me elected, because they think I’d be a great president," which most people interpreted as equating driving around Iowa on a campaign bus to military service.

Romney's stances on most issues is pretty typical for a Republican (pro-death penalty, against the estate tax, etc.). He is pro-life, although he has previously pledged to uphold Roe vs. Wade (he was referred to as "multiple choice" by Ted Kennedy). He has supported a Constitutional amendment to ban gay marriage and has rescinded his support for domestic partnership benefits (I won't mention his letter to Log Cabin Republicans that stated he would be more supportive of gay rights than Ted Kennedy and that "we must make equality for gays and lesbians a mainstream concern").

Romney is pro-gun and stated that "I've been a hunter pretty much all my life." After it was revealed that he had only been hunting twice in his life, he clarified: "I'm not a big-game hunter. I've made that very clear. I've always been a rodent and rabbit hunter. Small varmints, if you will. I began when I was 15 or so and I have hunted those kinds of varmints since then. More than two times."

Gratuitous Video Post of the Week

I got this link from my friend Isabel -- normally the least Internet savvy person in the world. BTW you probably don't want to watch this at work.

Neón No Más

Well true believers, the day has finally come - I have finally gotten rid of my Dodge Neon. For some inexplicable reason, the folks at Brookdale Honda thought it was worth $400 - to which I said "sold!" My new vehicle is a shiny new silver Honda Civic LX automatic sedan with all-weather floor mats, splash guards, and this thing that tells time.

It will take some time to get used to my new car. The Civic drives so much smoother than the Neon I have to be careful with the speed. Not that the Neon was actually that rocky of a ride, but let's say that when you were driving 65 you knew you were driving 65. Also there is a lot of paranoia when it comes to driving or parking in tight spaces, particularly my parking ramp. The Civic isn't really that big but after the Neon it feels like driving a boat, although it largely makes up for it with a superior turning radius. However, the fear of blemishing my shiny new car and a quirk of perception that leads me to believe that the front of my car ends at a point which in reality would be about fifteen feet in front of my dash has given me a paralyzing fear of parallel parking.

The trip to the dealership went quite well, I was in and out within two hours. I worked with a guy name John whom at least at the moment I would recommend if anyone is in the market for a Honda. Of course, when I walked in I basically knew what I was going to get and how much I was going to pay so there wasn't much room for error. If you are buying a new car I would absolutely recommend starting by getting quotes on the Internet. If a dealer knows you are an "Internet customer" you are going to get reasonable quotes on most things right off the bat. If you pay MSRP you are a chump. Of course, most sales people will still try to get you with overpriced options, extended warranties, and financing, the latter two being things you should almost never get from a dealer.

Speaking of which, where do car dealers dredge up these finance guys? Clearly they did not attend any business school that I went to, since they either don't understand basic financial concepts or pretend not to. I knew going in that I was not going to get either a warranty or financing from Honda, but that didn't stop finance guy from trying. First he tries to convince me that buying an extended warranty makes sense. No, it doesn't. Like any insurance, extended warranties are a losing bet you don't take unless you can't afford to lose. One of his lines was that it doesn't take too many repairs for the warranty to pay for itself. Well, that's true, but obviously Honda knows that is not likely otherwise they clearly would not be selling the warranty in the first place. Am I supposed to believe that all the actuaries that work for Honda are a bunch of morons? Listen mister, I go to a well-respected business school and my apartment smells of rich mahogany. And don't get me started on the time value of money issue. Anyway after it was clear to him that his flim-flam wasn't going to get me to buy some ridiculous extended warranty. Then he wanted to talk about why I wasn't financing the vehicle, "out of curiosity" of course. I told him I was paying with cash because I have enough cash. Then he threw out a line about how a car is a depreciating asset, which I can only guess he meant was an obvious reason to finance the purchase? Earth to douche, anyone with elementary knowledge of personal finance knows that you DON'T borrow money to buy a depreciation asset. Seriously, I have many leather-bound books. I am kind of an big deal.

Oh well, finance dude didn't last long and soon retired to have a smoke outside and share a bitter word with another finance dude. While he is off evaluating his poor life choices, I on the other hand will be enjoying my new whip. It's going to take a while to get used to - things like remembering to put my windows up before I turn the car off and actually caring whether I side swipe the wall of my parking garage - but I think I'm going to like my smooth new ride.

Actual Content Coming Soon

Well, I've been back in town for almost a week now, and things have been very busy. I'm getting back into the swing of things at work and well on the way to getting a new car, so I will be back to blogging here after I finish up some posts on The Flying Danish.

Last Post For A While

Hey gang,

I'm only 51 hours away from takeoff, so this is probably the last post here for a couple of months. I will still be posting vis-a-vis The Flying Danish, hopefully my Internet connection will be good enough to post a whole bunch of pictures.

Dear 2012 London Olympic Committee

You know, I always thought of the British as being pretty trendy and stylish and all that. Then I saw the new logo that the was unveiled for the 2012 London Olympics. And all this comes only two years after we were subjected to the euro-banality of Neve and Gliz. Apparently this jigsaw-looking piece of crap is supposed to be be s stylized version of 2012, but really it is just a jigsaw puzzle-looking piece of crap. It cost almost $800,000 to come up with this.

Not only are the advertisements for the 2012 London Olympics ugly, they apparently are dangerous too. It turns out that the television and internet ads, which look like a bad Dire Straight's video, have been inducing epileptic seizures.

Yes Mindy, There Was A Russian Ninja Terrorizing Italy

I was having dinner last night with Mindy Does Minneapolis, and afterwards we went to see my cousin's band The Million play at the Turf Club. At one point, I mentioned that Italian police had recently captured a Russian ninja who had been going around robbing people. Despite her worthy facade of acceptance, I had a feeling she thought I was B.S.'ing her. Not so, true believers! You can read more about the ninja here, here, and here, or you can just Google "Russian, Italy, ninja" and get a ton of articles. To learn more, I also sent an e-mail to AskANinja@gmail, I'll let you know if I get a reponse.

Igor Vaclavic, a 32-year-old former Russian soldier from the Russian army, had apparently spent the last couple weeks roaming the northeastern Italian countryside and robbing farmers while dressed as a ninja. Armed with a bow and knife, along with nightvision goggles and a head torch he had been holding up farmers and demanding cash.

His reign of terror came to an end on Monday, when he broke into a farmhouse and after being startled by the farmer (Giovanni Zampieri) who accidentally discharged his rifle, fled the scene using the most ancient of ninja tools - the bicycle. "The fellow took fright and ran away, slipping on the broken glass from the door, then hopped on a bicycle and went hell-for-leather through the cornfields, riding his bike as if it were a horse." Police soon arrived and tracked him down to an abandoned farmhouse where he was arrested.

Apparently Mr. Vaclavic's ninja disguise had been inspired by his childhood idol, Robin Hood. I guess nobody had the heart to tell him that Robin Hood was not a ninja, nor did he generally steal from farmers.

Match Update

Well, I haven't gotten any response from the hot Estonian babe yet, so I'll have to stick to my actual dating activity.

I haven't gotten any really crappy e-mails like this one, but I have gotten a few weird ones. The best one had no subject line and the only thing it said was "hollow." Not hello. Not holla. Hollow.

I'm still getting about one e-mail or wink a day on average, which seems about right for a guy. Most women I've talked to get between four and five times that many but I don't think as many women use the carpet bombing approach to Match. Lately it's been pretty slim pickings, a lot of people who have a profile that consists of one short paragraph. C'mon people. You would have to be serious hot for me to respond to one paragraph. Other people clearly did not read my profile. One winker's profile read: "Faith is SO important to me. It is the most important aspect of finding a mate. I want someone who can challenge me in my faith and bring me closer to God." That's great but, um, did you even OPEN my profile?

Anyway I'm trying to decide what to do with my profile when I'm in Denmark. I'm tempted to leave it up, so I can meet the requirements of the get-six-months-free-if-you-are-still-a-single-loser-after-six-months offer. Hey, it's still better than the Quizno's if-you-don't-like-your-sandwich-we'll-give-you-another-one offer.

Here are the dates so far:

• The first date was with an Armenian ballet dancer who worked as a French medical translator. She was really nice, interesting, although a little hung-up with the Turkish genocide of Armenians during World War I.
• The second and third dates were with a law student who did modern dance. Good dates but not a lot of spark.
• There was another date with a fellow MBA student which went fine, but there was not a ton of spark there either. There was going to be a second date but at the last moment she forgot that he had to pick up her roommate at the airport. Then she forgot to call me back. Classy.
• The best date so far was with the lionologist. Yeah that's right, a lionologist. I have already nicknamed her Texas, because she has a cute little Texas accent. Really the only problem here is that for the next three months one of us seems to be out of the state at all times. I'll let you know.
• Frog Lady is the last woman of note. We haven't had a date but have exchanged a series of very long e-mails. She is 27, and it looks like I am the first person to point out that she was apparently named after a family of sub-Saharan running frogs. She dropped off the radar a week ago which made me kind of sad, but she just wrote saying she was frustrated with Match and had turned off her profile but to "keep in touch."