Peter's Top 3 Most Beautiful Babes (Part I)

Well, the Peter Unzipped Official Portmanteaux Contest is in full swing, but there are other topics to be covered. Namely, my response to Mindy's Top 3 Most Beautiful Babes post from November. I've been mulling this over for quite some time now and have had a number of posts sitting in draft form. In order to get going I think I'm going to string this one out over a couple posts (hence the "Part I"). I think part of the problem I've been having is that I spend approximately zero minutes a day fantasizing about celebrities. I think guys in general tend to focus on more accessible women, such as coworkers, women at the gym, or the 20 gigabytes or so of pornography on our hard drives. For men, women just don't get many points for being a celebrity. Plus, when it comes to celebrities, it seems to be much easier to think of women for my "overrated" list.

Moving on. The first choice for Most Beautiful Babe was pretty easy: Salma Hayek. In my unofficial lifetime poll, she appears to be the winner of biggest-celebrity-crush among both men and women. So as to not confuse Mindy, I have attempted to copy her basic format.

Salma Hayek

Age: 40
Height: 5'2"

Why I Like Her:
1. The front.
2. The back.
3. Seriously, have you not seen Salma Hayek? Beautiful face, skin, everything. Mmmmmm...
4. Great actress: long before Charlize Theron was getting her Oscar for Monster, Salma Hayek was sportin' the unibrow in Frida.
5. She's a smartypants, and has won awards for acting, directing, and producing.
6. She's also quite the activist, and not in the stupid way that most celebrities are. Most of her work has been around domestic violence and has testified before Congress.
7. Athletic: she has had a lot of action roles in movies and once had aspirations of being an Olympic competitor (my theory: boobs got in the way).
8. Independent minded, e.g. she has doesn't feel the need to get married in order to validate her existence.

Drawbacks:
1. A couple of her recent movie choices were a little suss, especially that Quentin Tarantino one.
2. Maybe a bit short, but I can overlook that.

BTW I need to give a shout out to Blurtin Burton, whose blog was the first I've seen use Slide.com (hopefully it won't cause excessive blog loading times). Apparently, Mindy's previous techno-dominance is fading.

Other Contenders So Far:

1. Angelina Jolie - I kind of miss the crazy vial-of-blood-wearing Angelina, but Ms. Jolie is still one smoking hot piece of ass. She seems pretty smart and articulate too, although sometimes she looks like her face has somehow been airbrushed but in real life.

2. Alyssa Milano - Alyssa has come a long way Who's the Boss. Long hair, short hair, it doesn't seem to matter. Although she loses points for picking a series of poor acting roles, she more than makes up for it due to my impression that she is a very, very dirty girl.

3. Eva Mendes - I honestly don't know that much about Eva Mendes, other than I wouldn't mind having her sit on my face.

I'm sure I'll come up with others. Moving on to the most overrated, I found it much easier to compile this list. Now I wouldn't say that these women are particularly unattractive, I just don't get why anyone would go gaga over them.

Most Overrated "Babes"

Scarlett Johansson - How she keeps getting voted thing such as "Sexiest Woman Alive" I have no idea. Although I'll give her credit for not being rail thin, she doesn't have a great body, has a pretty plain face, and is (gasp) whiter than I am. Seriously if we had children they would be invisible.

Gwyneth Paltow - Sure she's "elegant" but is she hot? I submit that she is not. Next!

Uma Thurman - Too tall for my taste, and if her eyes were any farther apart she would have 360-degree vision. Sure she kicks some butt, but she was also married to Ethan Hawke so those two kind of cancel each other out. Maybe I would be more into Uma if I collected comic books (or "graphic novels" as Mindy insists on calling them) or thought Pulp Fiction was the best movie ever made.

Nicole Kidman - All apologies to Nicole's stunt/butt double Katie, but Nicole just doesn't do it for me.

Other nominees: Cameron Diaz, Charlize Theron, Eva Longoria

I'm sure I'll come up with more insights later. At least Mindy and I can agree on Rachel McAdams and Alyssa Milano.

Also - if you are one of the apparently millions who spend a lot of time photoshopping celebrity's heads to bad pictures of naked women, please stop. You are really creeping me out.