Why Dogs Are Better Than Women

Recently, Mindy posted a list of reasons why she thinks dogs are better than men. Or I should say why some other people think dogs are better than men because all she did was lift it off the internet. She’s busy though, I know. Anyway, even Mindy knew she would “catch some slack” over it, and she was right – such provocation cannot go unanswered. Of course, I actually took the effort to create an original list.

1. Kissing a dog will not give you mononucleosis.
2. Dogs don’t sit around with each other and talk about how big so-and-so’s engagement ring is.
3. Dogs won’t break up with you because you are “too nice.”
4. It doesn’t take dogs very long to figure out who wears the pants in the relationship.
5. Dogs don’t constantly hold things you’ve said against you and then wonder why you don’t want to talk more.
6. Dogs have much higher self-esteem and you don’t need to remind them that you love them every ten minutes or so.
7. Dogs do not send pictures of celebrity crotch shots to your work e-mail.
8. Dogs can keep a secret.
9. Dogs are comfortable with the fact that you have other dog friends.
10. Dogs don’t hog the sheets.
11. A dog realizes that the entire world does not revolve around it.
12. Dogs are not bothered by your giganto porn stash.
13. Dogs are not impressed by “bad boys.”
14. If it’s your fourth night together and you are so exhausted that you’ve been having problems keeping your eyes open all during dinner and just want to lie down and snuggle and watch TV, a dog will not go into another room and cry because you don’t want to make out with it.
15. Dogs are not embarrassed by your dancing.
16. The results of dog hormones are usually quite amusing.
17. Dogs are comfortable being naked.
18. A dog will not make you sit through Legends of the Fall.
19. Dogs will not insist that you take their Tarot readings seriously.
20. Dogs do not ask stupid questions like “do I look fat in this?”
21. Dogs do not play hard to get.
22. Dogs don’t break up with you after two months by not returning your phone calls.
23. On average, dogs are much cuter.
24. A dog is happy to commit to you even if you don’t drop five grand on a diamond ring.
25. Dogs do not take notice of what watch you are wearing.
26. Dogs do not talk to you in a baby voice and make up idiotic nicknames for you, particularly those referencing nursery rhymes.
27. When your dog makes you feel guilty, you usually deserve it.
28. Dogs don’t harass you for information on previous dog relationships and then use it against you no matter what it is.
29. A dog will not remind you that it wanted to marry a doctor, and neither will its mother.
30. At least you have some idea what your dog is thinking.

Our Crazy Accounting Prof

Don't mix your thangs.

- Professor, Financial Statement Analysis

Well, we've had two classes of Financial Statements Analysis and so far we have learned a lot about our professor. He seems like a pretty nice guy, but other than that all signs point to crazy. Here are some of the things we have learned so far:

- He stutters, which is fine except that he apparently compensates by shouting and talking really, really fast. He also likes to throw out random GAAP rules, and often even the accountants in class don't know what he's talking about.

- Apparently he is not into athletics very much. When he attempted to draw the Nike swoosh on the white board, he drew a large tilde instead (~).

- I'm not sure if he is upset about some aspect of the Minnesota educational system or just has something against Garrison Keiler, but he frequently mocks the notion that everyone in Minnesota is above average.

- He has boycotted the Academy Awards every since Val Kilmer was snubbed for his role as Doc Holliday in Tombstone. The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences would not return our phone calls.

- John Wayne's best serious acting role was in The Searchers.

More Things People Do In an Obvious Attempt to Annoy Me

Going grocery shopping this morning I was reminded of several things that really annoy me. Okay, so they don't annoy me that much but I'm falling behind on my complaining.

One of the things that bothers me are grocery baggers. First off, I generally don't like people to do things for me, especially when I am just going to stand there doing nothing. It just doesn't make much sense to me. Since the main complaint they get from customers is broken bags, the baggers also pack groceries with an eye to prevent breakage. This usually results in about eight bags for every $50 worth of groceries. That's great if are unloading your groceries from your garage, but for me, living in a high rise condo, my main objective is to have four or less bags so I only have one trip. So most times I go to Rainbow I have to shoo the baggers away. But Pete, it's not like you're paying anything extra. Which brings me to something else that annoys me, namely...

Stupid people who think that just because you aren't charged for something that it is free. For example, we have laundry machines on each floor in my building. You don't need any quarters to use them. I don't know how many times people say something dumb like "oh, it must be nice having free laundry." How do these geniuses think that the laundry machines get fixed? That our laundry machines somehow don't use water or electricity or gas? That they are powered by the Laundry Faerie? Obviously the expense of running and maintaining laundry machines goes somewhere, and in this case the money comes from association dues. In the case of grocery baggers, the expense will slowly get incorporated into the price of your groceries. So before you start yapping about how something is free, spend a little time thinking about it. Otherwise, some smartass with a blog is going to write some crap about you.

Another phenomenon that you run into at the grocery store is people who for some reason or another just seem to always get in your way. Maybe something in the water supply is slowly destroying people's peripheral vision or maybe it speaks to the general self centeredness of American society, but for some reason a lot of people appear to lack an even rudimentary sense of awareness of their surroundings. When there is a display in an aisle, what possesses someone to park their cart right next to it, completely blocking the aisle? Other common maneuvers are leaving the grocery cart smack dab in the middle of the aisle, or parking it on one side of the aisle and then standing on the other side checking out the ingredients on various cans of beans. I find myself standing five feet from these people, obviously waiting for them to get out of my way, and most of the time they seem completely oblivious to my presence. I wonder what aisle the airhorns are in... BLAAAAAT!!!

_

Apparently this is not some kind of Minneapolis-specific issue. Becky's brother Joe finds the walkers in Chicago to be just as annoying. I work downtown and have to deal with the skyway walkers most days of the week. Some of the annoying things you have to deal with are rare, such as people attempting to read books while they walk (and at least that provides some kind of humor). The most obnoxious thing is probably people who find it absolutely necessary to walk two or three wide. I wouldn't have guessed it, but yes it is possible for two people to take up about two-thirds of a fifteen foot wide skyway. It wouldn't be that bad if most of these people walked faster than, say, Estelle Getty in a windstorm. The skyway rules should approximate road rules: walk on the right side and slow people on the outside.

And the Winner Is.... (Drum Roll Please)

Well, I've been pondering this for a few days, and after I little prodding I have come to a conclusion. The winner of the first annual Official Peter Unzipped Portmanteaux Contest is...

Stalkertunities!!

In case you were wondering, the general criteria I used were originality (i.e. if I looked it up on the Google, how few hits did I get?), heteronymity (i.e. if it sounds exactly like another word it got disqualified), understandibility, degree of difficulty, and overall coolness. Plus, bonus points for being a hottie. Stalkertunities scored high in all categories. In fact, right now I'm working on creating some stalkertunities for myself. Hello, Mindy? Yeah, you seemed to have left your accounting book at my place. I'm not sure how it got out of your bag, but it's here. Why don't you pick it up, say, Saturday night...

Honorable mentions go to:

Blognemesis (Mindy) - I don't think it's a true portmanteau, but it's hard not to like any word with the word nemesis in it.

Fablogulous (Katie) - I don't think this was an actual entry, but I accepted it anyway. Received high degree of diffculty points for inserting a word in the middle of another word, and surprisingly almost no Google hits.

Libidon't (Mindy) - Disqualified for not actually being entered, but still dunny and again surprisingly few hits on the Google.

Prumps (Katie) - I don't know if I would have any idea what a "prump" was unless we were in a shoe store, but on the other hand it sounds kind of pornographic. Plus I have something of a shoe fetish.

That's it for now, but never fear true believers, another fablogulous contest is coming soon and I promise it will be awesome. Or jawsome.

Now Why Didn't I Think Of That?

You know, after decades of dictators, invasions, wars with Iran, the United States, and now each other, one could forgive Iraqis for not making a lot of advances on the social front. However, I guess as the saying goes adversity breeds ingenuity. As reported by the Washington Post, some Shiites in Iraq are reviving a practice known as mutaa, or enjoyment marriage. Basically the way it works is that in exchange for an upfront payment and covering her monthly expenses, a woman enters into a temporary marriage with a man (already married or not) and has sex with him.

Now, I know what you are thinking - that this is some kind of religiously approved prostitution. But you would be wrong. You see, the mutaa actually helps prevent war widows and divorcees from having to turn to prostitution to support themselves. Some people might say this would not be much of an issue if women had more economic opportunities and Iraqi society didn't view women who were no longer virgins as undesirable, but we here at Unzipped don't have time for such nuance. As cleric Mahdi al-Shog says, "it was designed as a humanitarian help for women." Clearly.

According to this inciteful report, a man can have an unlimited number of mutaa wives in addition to a permanent wife,* and a mutaa relationship can last for as little as a few minutes. Plus you can save on paperwork because all of this requries no paperwork, either for marraige or divorce. In case you are interesting in entering a mutaa relationship, the Grand Ayatollah Ali Sistani has a lot of helpful advice on his Web site.

*A women can only have one husband at a time, either permanent or temporary.

Valentine's Season

Well, it must be Valentine's season. I can tell this because on my way back to work from Target most of the stores I passed had their Valentine's merchandise on their shelves. I'm not sure how far before Valentine's Day that the hoopla normally starts, but this seems earlier than usual. It was sort of a red, white, and pink ocean full of chocolate, candles, wrapping paper, greeting cards, and other appropriately themed items. I think Target, Macy's, and Godiva were the winners of whatever prize is awarded to having the most Valentine's crap.

I've always had mixed feelings about Valentine's Day. I've always been somewhat of a romantic, although this is tempered by bearing the crushing weight of eternal disappointment so it's kind of a wash. It's fun to dote on somebody, but unfortunately it seems to have been ordained somewhere that I will always be single on Valentine's Day. If memory serves, I think I've been in a relationship on Valentine's once in the past decade, maybe twice.

Shopping for Valentine's presents is pretty easy, but somehow a lot of guys still manage to screw it up. The general secret for gift-giving is pretty simple, I call it "pay attention you dumbass." Women drop hints all the time, both intentionally or not, about what they like. Valentine's is a little hard because gifts tend to be limited to a Valentine's theme. There are some things that should be avoided. Teddy bears are almost always a bad idea,* besides being cheesy it sends the message "I just picked this up from Walgreens." Roses can be tricky. Some women really like them, but for others the message they send is "I spent zero time thinking about what to get you for Valentine's." Tread carefully. Chocolate is almost always a winner. For a number of reasons, a few pieces of fancy chocolate (e.g. Godiva) is usually better than a huge bag of Hershey's Kisses. I like to make care packages full of red and pink stuff: licorice, cherry lip balm, cinnamon gum, lotion, some red M&M's, some red wine, a candle, and an assortment of other little things. Maybe throw in a copy of D.J. Mindy's latest CD, Feeling Frisky? or mix a CD yourself. Jewelry is usually a winner, although might be a little awkward in a new relationship unless your girlfriend is a ho. Lingerie and sex toys are somewhat of a danger zone - I would enlist the help of a female friend if you're going this route. Please feel free to send any questions you have to Dr. Pete. Also, if your lucky, maybe some of the ladies around here will help you out.

Here is a gratuitous photo of two boston terriers. Awwww...

*If your girlfriend would like a teddy bear for Valentine's this means either (1) you must break off the relationship immediately or (2) you are eight years old

It's a Bloggy Blog World

Well, school has started back up for Spring semester. Nothing like a little Financial Statement Analysis to get the blood pumping. There's a lot of group work in the class and my master plan to form a group full of hot chicks came together: Mindy, Becky, and Trish. Of course, they are all smart too but whatevs.

Please give a warm welcome to the newest member of our little blogging community, Katie. Make her feel at home by visiting her new blog, Stilettos and Snowstorms, and making a whole bunch of snarky comments. Of course she only has one post up so far and it's basically about how difficult it is to start up a blog but she'll get there. BTW if you search Google Images for pictures of stilettos you will get a whole bunch of crappy porn.

Anyway the Official Peter Unzipped Portmanteaux Contest is nearing the finish line. I suppose I should draw up some sort of deadline, so the cutoff for submissions will be Friday at midnight. Prizes will be handed out at some random date and as I said before they will be crappy. Well if you're a cutie you might win dinner and a movie with me, which depending on your point of view might fall anywhere along the crappy-to-awesome spectrum.

Due to the overwhelming success of the Official Peter Unzipped Portmanteaux Contest, I am working on some more contests. I've got a couple in the works, one of which is near completion but I have to work out some of the details. However, I'm sure it will elicit some great responses. Another contest I am thinking of involves people guessing how much fiber I can consume in a 24 hour period. Kind of like where you guess how many marbles are in a jar, but way cooler. The tentative title is "The Official Peter Unzipped How Much Fiber Can Peter Consume in a 24 Hour Period Contest."

My Dreams: Man Are They Stupid

First of all I should note that Blogspot comments are now blocked at work, so you'll just have to wait until the evening for my scathing commentary. This shouldn't affect my blogging too much otherwise since most of it is done at home anyway. Just thought I'd tell you in case you came up with a real zinger and can't wait for a response.

Moving on. (Can you tell I've been watching The Colbert Report too much? I need to come up with my own catchphrases)

I don't know about you guys, but my dreams are just plain stupid. I don't think there is an entry for "dumbest dreams ever" in the Guinness Book of World Records but if there was I would win it. First off, I almost never remember any of my dreams. Apparently this is a good thing since I read somewhere that remembering your dreams is a sign you are not getting quality sleep.

However, when I do remember my dreams they are almost never interesting. I never dream about sex (apparently I must get that out of the way during my waking hours) or flying or being naked in front of a whole bunch of people. No, my dreams are du-umb. For some reason most of them revolve around school. Oftentimes I have a paper due or a test coming up and I am unprepared for it. These dreams tend to be very mundane and realistic, so when I wake up it isn't always clear that it was a dream. Once back in high school I had a dream where I went to sign up for a chemistry lab and all the spots were full, so I didn't sign up in real life. According to some so-called "dream interpretation" websites I visited the most common interpretation of this is that I have unresolved feelings of inadequacy. Of course that's ridiculous, I came to terms with my inadequacy a long time ago.

Other times I dream about things like selling my condo and moving to another one and worrying about whether it was a good idea, or something equally boring. I think the weirdest dream I had was one in which the Muppets were being chased by a giant tomato back-and-forth across a stage. For some reason, Muppets did not make it into any of the dream dictionaries so I'm in the dark on that one. I think the worst dream I've ever had is one in which my mom is crossing a bunch of streets and ends up getting hit by a car. I don't even want to know what that means but needless to say I called my mom the next day to tell her I loved her.

So, what kind of dreams do you have? I hope they are better than my crappy, crappy ones.

Whoops

Peter's Top 3 Most Beautiful Babes (Part I)

Well, the Peter Unzipped Official Portmanteaux Contest is in full swing, but there are other topics to be covered. Namely, my response to Mindy's Top 3 Most Beautiful Babes post from November. I've been mulling this over for quite some time now and have had a number of posts sitting in draft form. In order to get going I think I'm going to string this one out over a couple posts (hence the "Part I"). I think part of the problem I've been having is that I spend approximately zero minutes a day fantasizing about celebrities. I think guys in general tend to focus on more accessible women, such as coworkers, women at the gym, or the 20 gigabytes or so of pornography on our hard drives. For men, women just don't get many points for being a celebrity. Plus, when it comes to celebrities, it seems to be much easier to think of women for my "overrated" list.

Moving on. The first choice for Most Beautiful Babe was pretty easy: Salma Hayek. In my unofficial lifetime poll, she appears to be the winner of biggest-celebrity-crush among both men and women. So as to not confuse Mindy, I have attempted to copy her basic format.

Salma Hayek

Age: 40
Height: 5'2"

Why I Like Her:
1. The front.
2. The back.
3. Seriously, have you not seen Salma Hayek? Beautiful face, skin, everything. Mmmmmm...
4. Great actress: long before Charlize Theron was getting her Oscar for Monster, Salma Hayek was sportin' the unibrow in Frida.
5. She's a smartypants, and has won awards for acting, directing, and producing.
6. She's also quite the activist, and not in the stupid way that most celebrities are. Most of her work has been around domestic violence and has testified before Congress.
7. Athletic: she has had a lot of action roles in movies and once had aspirations of being an Olympic competitor (my theory: boobs got in the way).
8. Independent minded, e.g. she has doesn't feel the need to get married in order to validate her existence.

Drawbacks:
1. A couple of her recent movie choices were a little suss, especially that Quentin Tarantino one.
2. Maybe a bit short, but I can overlook that.

BTW I need to give a shout out to Blurtin Burton, whose blog was the first I've seen use Slide.com (hopefully it won't cause excessive blog loading times). Apparently, Mindy's previous techno-dominance is fading.

Other Contenders So Far:

1. Angelina Jolie - I kind of miss the crazy vial-of-blood-wearing Angelina, but Ms. Jolie is still one smoking hot piece of ass. She seems pretty smart and articulate too, although sometimes she looks like her face has somehow been airbrushed but in real life.

2. Alyssa Milano - Alyssa has come a long way Who's the Boss. Long hair, short hair, it doesn't seem to matter. Although she loses points for picking a series of poor acting roles, she more than makes up for it due to my impression that she is a very, very dirty girl.

3. Eva Mendes - I honestly don't know that much about Eva Mendes, other than I wouldn't mind having her sit on my face.

I'm sure I'll come up with others. Moving on to the most overrated, I found it much easier to compile this list. Now I wouldn't say that these women are particularly unattractive, I just don't get why anyone would go gaga over them.

Most Overrated "Babes"

Scarlett Johansson - How she keeps getting voted thing such as "Sexiest Woman Alive" I have no idea. Although I'll give her credit for not being rail thin, she doesn't have a great body, has a pretty plain face, and is (gasp) whiter than I am. Seriously if we had children they would be invisible.

Gwyneth Paltow - Sure she's "elegant" but is she hot? I submit that she is not. Next!

Uma Thurman - Too tall for my taste, and if her eyes were any farther apart she would have 360-degree vision. Sure she kicks some butt, but she was also married to Ethan Hawke so those two kind of cancel each other out. Maybe I would be more into Uma if I collected comic books (or "graphic novels" as Mindy insists on calling them) or thought Pulp Fiction was the best movie ever made.

Nicole Kidman - All apologies to Nicole's stunt/butt double Katie, but Nicole just doesn't do it for me.

Other nominees: Cameron Diaz, Charlize Theron, Eva Longoria

I'm sure I'll come up with more insights later. At least Mindy and I can agree on Rachel McAdams and Alyssa Milano.

Also - if you are one of the apparently millions who spend a lot of time photoshopping celebrity's heads to bad pictures of naked women, please stop. You are really creeping me out.

The Official Peter Unzipped Portmanteaux Contest

Everyone around here seems to like contests and polls, so I have decided to start a new one. I had been thinking about it a while back, and have been spurred to action by the Clog Blog's recent post on wordplay. I think it started when Mindy was gushing about how much she loved the word celebutante. In case you're wondering, celebutante is a special kind of word called a portmanteau - a blending of two words to give a combined meaning.* In the case of celebutante, the word is a blend of celebrity and debutante.

A lot of people like to make up portmanteaux of their own. For example, I had to create the word fagnet** a couple years ago to describe myself - a straight man who attract homosexuals like a magnet. I'm sure I've come up with quite a few other zingers in my time.

So here are the contest rules:

1) Come up with your own portmanteaux and submit them to this post. I will try and come up with some good ones of my own, but I will disqualify myself from winning any cash or fabulous prizes.

2) Once the contest is over (basically whenever people stop submitting anything) I will review the entries and judge someone the winner.

3) The winner will receive some sort of prize to be named later, possibly one related to the winning entry, most certainly nothing very exciting. However you also win blogger bragging rights and the ability to believe you are far more cool than you actually are.

*Or mot valise ("suitcase word") if you are feeling particularly French
**For those sensitive readers who may take offense, keep in mind that half of my friends are homosexuals. Really, I'm like the Eminem for the gay community.

Another Promising Reality TV Show Goes Kerplooie

Generally speaking, I am not exactly what you would call a prime reality TV contestant. I can't eat gross foods at all, so that would keep me away from Fear Factor or any other show that has ripped them off. I am the world's worst liar, and my general lack of drama has keep reality TV show producers from knocking down my door so far. My hopes for winning cash and fabulous prizes seemed hopelessly dim until...

...I saw a new reality TV show on Lifetime that appeared to be made just for me: Gay, Straight, or Taken? The premise of the show is that a woman spends time with three guys and tries to guess which is which. So I'm thinking to myself: man this is good, I don't even have to try to make women think I'm gay. There's got to be money in this somewhere...

So I check out the show's website. As perhaps I should have expected, I am left out in the cold once again. It turns out that the way the show works is that the female contestant tries to pick out the straight, single guy from the three male contestants. If she picks the guy in a relationship or the gay guy, that guy wins the fabulous prize (a dream getaway). If she picks the straight guy the two of them go on the dream getaway. In other words: the straight, single guy needs to convince her that he is straight and single - no points for tricking her into thinking he's gay. Fiddlesticks!

Once again, my ability to foil even the most accurate gaydar proves useless.

The Best State Motto Ever

This Statement is 100% True

Women don't look at other women's flaws, they look at their perfections.

- Kim Lyons, co-personal trainer from NBC's The Biggest Loser

Does This Mean I Am Going to Hell?

A guy in a wheelchair started working on my floor about a month ago, and my first thought was "does this mean I can't use the big handicapped bathroom stall anymore?"

Thank God for Michael Chertoff

First though, some good news Twin Citians! The Department of Homeland Security has given Minnesota-St. Paul the highest rating for emergency agency communication disaster readiness! Only six out of the 75 metro areas surveyed got such a rating. Is there anything quite as reassuring as one of the most inefficient government bureaucracies ever that basically ruined FEMA and took about a week to figure out that New Orleans and the Gulf Coast were under water telling you that your city is well prepared for a disaster?

Current Events in My Life

Apparently I have a lot of catchup to do, with both Mindy and Clog Blog off to a running start this year. December was kind of a crappy month for me, but I'll get over it. It wasn't so much that anything particularly bad happened, it was just one of those periods where nothing was really going well. Some things went well though. I visited my parents on Thanksgiving and Christmas, which was good since I haven't seen them much in the past year. My brother crashed at my place one night on the way to Montana because his flight went through Denver during snow storm #1.

Right now I am trying to get things back on track. I was happy to learn that Christy now works out at my gym a couple days a week. I'll have to introduce her to some of the people in Bruce's aerobics class (although I'm guessing she probably already knows enough bitter homosexuals than is necessary). P.S. Christy - Bruce is teaching a spinning class on Fridays and Sundays now.
I am trying to go through all of the CDs from Jason's music party. Clearly my musical taste is very different from most of the people that Jason hangs out with, and I apparently misjudged the demographics (who knows though, maybe Jason's mom will enjoy the Old Dirty Bastard and Juvenile tracks I threw on my CD). Of course, it's nobody's fault that I don't particularly like emo or folk music. Although I did find the fact that a half dozen people put Hallelujah on theirs CDs to be a little strange.* Oh well, it's good to get outside you musical comfort zone every once in a while. My real disappointment was that with all this folk music, it appears that not a single person managed to put The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald on their CD. I mean c'mon people, this is Gordon-fucking-Lightfoot we are talking about here! Sheez. I guess I'll just have to download it from iTunes. So far my favorite CD is Christy's. I've kind of been dancing around my place listening to it while I clean up and get ready for tomorrow.

I've also been asked for some photos of my painting. It's a little hard to capture paint color with a flash camera but I think these photos aren't too off (the colors are somewhat darker than they appear). Here is the orange I painted my bathroom. It's a Dutch Boy paint called Indian Tile, which I ripped off from my friend Mindy D after I decided that Audubon Russet wasn't for me. Ladies - please also check out the hot sconce action. I'm not 100% sure about the white towels but the old dark blue ones had to go, as they gave the bathroom a kind of old school Denver Broncos look.

This is a picture of the world map I had mounted and framed. It's over my couch in the living room (or great room, as Mindy calls it). It's in a sort of antique style and I've started to stick map pins in the places I've been (see previous post). The wall color is kind of hard to see, so you'll have to trust me that it looks good. If anyone wants to help me add some map pins let me know. Right now I am trying to convince someone to go with me to Mexico (specifically the Yucatan, but I'm willing to sit on the beach for a couple days if that would seal the deal) and Thailand. Of course, that's just my "short list." My long list of places I want to go is, um... long. Japan, China, Turkey, Egypt, Russia, South Africa, England, Ireland, Sweden, Germany, Italy, Spain, Poland, well basically most of Europe, Brazil, Canada, etc. I wouldn't mind going to other places like Morocco or Libya or Iceland if someone wants to go (hint, hint for those of you with connections).

Apparently since nobody around here cares about literature, I will have to fire off some highly confrontation posts now. I think my next post will be about how I do not find pregnant women to be sexy at all. That's sure to send Mindy and her anarcha-feminist cabal into a conniption fit.

*Don't get me wrong, it's a nice song