People with Bad Bathroom Etiquette

Hello gang, I've been working a mega-post so I haven't been blogging too much the last week. Anyway, I thought I would get back to my ongoing series, The Seven Habits of Highly Annoying People. Today's topic: poor bathroom etiquette. Although Mindy seems to think that women need some help as well, men are clearly winning the battle of disgusting bathroom habits. We've already covered the topic of bathroom reading materials, but today I was reminded of several other of these annoying habits at once, which brings to my first topic which is...

When you need to use a stall in a bathroom that has more than two, please use one of the stalls that is NOT next to the one I am in. Obviously during certain periods of the day, this cannot be helped. Most of the bathrooms where I work have four stalls. Is there really a compelling reason that even though all the other stalls are open, you chose the one right next to me? I picked the one on the end for a reason; namely, so that it is not next to you.

Besides trying to avoid the inevitable olfactory assault, I also have to take issue with some of the sounds that a lot of guys make while using the bathroom. The most mysterious one is the grunting and heavy breathing. I mean, did you just run up five flights of stairs to use the bathroom on my floor? Are you passing a kidney stone? Do you need medical attention? What the hell is going on that you are so short of breath, that's what I want to know. The other source of unwanted noise comes from what I can only describe as your explosive bowel movements. I mean I know we all get backed up every once and a while, and I'm sorry if you have Crohn's Disease of IBS or something, but seriously maybe you should think about changing your diet or seeing your doctor or something.

Then of course there is the ubiquitous problem of not washing your hands. Fortunately, this is not as prevalent as one might think. At work, I'd give the men about an 80% pass rate for hand washing, although it is probably much lower in public bathrooms at say, the Mall of America. One trend I can appreciate is restaurants (e.g. Chino Latino, Azia) who have finally realized that putting the washbasins OUTSIDE the bathroom will greatly increase the likelihood of men washing their hands. Shame is not always a bad thing, people. Even a giant slob is going to wash his hands if a bunch of chicks are standing there. Unfortunately, not all bathroom engineering goes so well. For reasons unknown, most bathroom doors seem to open inwards, meaning you are forced to use the handle when leaving. If you ever find yourself designing a public bathroom, please either use outward-opening doors or (if you have enough space) do the one thing that airports do right: just don't use a door.

There is another bathroom habit that bothers me, although this might be a quirk particular to me. Am I crazy, or is it just plain weird when someone pulls the entirety of their pants down below their ankles? This just seems, I don't know, very Forrest Gump or something, kind of like buttoning the top button of your shirt.

In other news: I know the waste basket looks pretty full, but the paper towel you just used does not belong on the floor.

Similarly offensive behavior has also been spotting in men's locker rooms. Therefore, I am forced to issue the following decrees:

Decree 1: When you shave in the locker room, please make an attempt to clean out the sink. As much as I enjoy seeing an entire sink filled with your used shaving cream and stubble, others may not appreciate it as much.

Decree 2: Please stop walking around the locker room naked. Nobody wants to see that.

Decree 3: Please do not leave your anal toys in the sauna. In fact, please refrain from any kind of sexual activity in the locker room. Thank you.

Decree 4: If your used, bloody band-aid comes off in the shower, please throw it out. Picking it up and putting it on the soap dish does not count as throwing it out.

Decree 5: When I am taking a shower, please do not stare at me.* You are standing one yard away. I can see you. Really.

*For you ladies, in case you didn't know, men's locker rooms never have individual showers with curtains. We have one big room with some shower heads.