What Not To Wear: Pete Edition (Part IV)

I was continuing on a lot of my projects this weekend (redecorating, reloading my wardrobe, early Xmas shopping), and was out shopping this weekend, including a trip to the Mall of America. Besides picking up a lot of good stuff, my little adventure also reminded me of a number of pieces of fashion advice.

There are only two situations in life in which earnestly* wearing a bow tie is acceptable. The first is if you are a wearing a tuxedo, and even then a bow tie is a little passe - most modern gentlemen have appropriately substituted a black or white necktie instead. The second is if you are an old dude who wears a suit every day. I love these guys, they can get away with almost anything, as an example see the entry for Fedora, wearing. If you are not one of these guys you will look like a fool, or at best a candidate for the president of the campus Republicans. I have seen too many of these around the office lately. Please make it stop. For crying out loud, even Tucker Carlson has hung up his bow tie. In a related story, please also get rid of your bolo ties.

Speaking of fedoras, I give a cautious thumbs up to cute women wearing fedoras. This is one of those fashion statements that can go horribly awry pretty easily so caution must be exercised. There should probably be some kind of fedora licensing agency. First off, you must believe that you actually look cool wearing a fedora. If you feel really uncomfortable people will pick that up, and it will ruin the outfit. You may need to wear your fedora around the house for several weeks until it starts to feel natural (unfortunately, the fedora trend will probably be over been then). I would also recommend having several of your friends vet the look before you wear it in public. If you are a guy, wearing a fedora will make you look like a prick so just don't go there.

One thing I was reminded of at the Mall was how bad lip rings look. Normally, I'm fine with most body piercing, tattoos, etc. but lip rings just look awful. I personally find them painful to look at, like you got some kind of fish hook stuck on your face.

Another disturbing trend I found was that men's athletic clothes have somehow gotten worse. Unless you want a plain gray shirt, pretty much the only thing you can buy nowadays that is made out of cotton is socks. I am not sure why major athletic companies have declared war on cotton clothing,** but my guess is that is has more to do with the profit margins on cotton clothing rather than a desire to keep me free of sweat. Besides being expensive and usually ridiculous looking, there are two problems with all of these synthetic fabrics used in athletic clothing. Although they do help get rid of sweat nicely, unfortunately they are all too good at retaining smell. I had one tank top a couple years ago that after a while just smelled like ass and there was nothing to do but throw it out. The other problem with a lot of this stuff is that it is tight and stretchy which, unless you have a six-pack and no body hair, is not a good look. Also, you may be tempted to run around yelling "We must protect this house!"

Lastly, I also give my seal of approval to Kuhlman's. They apparently have a number of locations in the Twin Cities now - I've been to the ones downtown and in the Galleria, but they also have outlets in Calhoun Square and the Albertville Mall. Although a lot of their clothes can only be described as hipster dofus (ala Kramer), you will find a lot of clothing at Kuhlman's that is unique, fashionable, and reasonably priced. You won't get that "I've seen this all before" feeling, plus they change their stock with relative frequency. The European sizing takes a little getting used to, but the cuts are much leaner than typical American dress shirts, so you won't have that huge swath of fabric to tuck into the back of your pants (which will inevitably turn into a huge poof). Also, most of their dress shirts are french cuffs so you will probably need to pick up some cuff links as well but the silk ones are pretty inexpensive. You can't get your entire wardrobe there, but I would definately add Kuhlman's to your shopping list. Ladies - any opinions on their women's clothing?


*Wearing it as part of a Halloween or other costume is also acceptable, such as a Chippendale's outfit - not that I know anything about that
**Under Armour actually had a display that read "cotton is the enemy"