Well, ladies and gentlemen, I have finally been poked and prodded enough by a few of my friends that I've finally decided to give the old Match.com a whirl. Of course, step one is to create your profile. That's where you come in. While Mindy may be Executive Director of Match.com Affairs, the plan is to test-run profile stuff here on Peter Unzipped. Of course, the funnest part of Match so far is coming up with smart ass answers to all of the questions that they give you.
Match.com also provides a lot of fodder for blog posts, so I'll probably join Mindy in debating Match.com topics. The first thing I noticed is that almost everyone feels the need to explain why they are on Match. It's either "my friends convinced me to give this a try" or "I'm tired of the bar scene" or whatever. Is this really necessary people? I mean, it's kind of like saying "hey I'm actually a normal person not like all these other weirdos who have to find dates on the internet." I know this is probably a self-justification, but it kind of implies that most of the people reading your profile are in fact, those losers who have to find dates on the internet.
I haven't read too many profiles yet, but most of them are somewhere between boring and not-really-compatible. That shouldn't surprise those of us who subscribe to the Seinfeld-ian belief that "95% of the population in undatable. UNDATABLE!" I have found one good candidate though, so I better get crackin'. I also spotted a couple of people I know from work though, I'll have to send them some shit when I get up and running.
P.S. WTF is a "wink" anyway? Does that send some kind of emoticon to somebody letting you know that you're interested in them? Seems to me like you're really saying "I might like you, but I don't have the energy/imagination to start a conversation here so you go first."
Anyway.
Back to my profile. Here's what I've got so far:
THE BASICS
What is your relationship status? Never Married
I'm a little surprised that there isn't a "married" option, but I guess there are other websites for that
What are you looking for? Women
Between ages: 24 - 35
Where should we look?
living within 20 miles
zip code 554--
in United States
How tall are you? 5 feet 11 inches
...of pure manliness
What best describes your body type? Athletic and toned
The problem with this question is that unless you are "athletic and toned" you are either average or worse. There is no "in pretty good shape" option. No offense Mindy, but no straight man should describe himself as "slender."
What's your sign? Virgo
I wish I could put comments here. I would write "if you actually care what my sign is, please do not attempt to contact me." Having dated someone who was really into astrology and tarot readings, I can tell you that it will take more than a few planets falling into alignment for me to go through that again.
APPEARANCE
What best describes your eye color? Blue
It's a good thing "shifty" isn't a color.
What color is your hair? Dark blond.
...and I have lots of it. I should post some pictures of my granddad. He's almost 95 and still has a good head of hair.
Body art? None
Brag a little: what is your best feature? Butt
I don't know about this one, "butt" was sort of a default because I make a lot of jokes about how good my rear end looks. I'll have to consult some of my females friends on this one.
More will be coming later. Perhaps the trickiest part will be coming up with a username. For obvious reasons, using peterunzipped might not go over well. So far I haven't come up with anything besides smartass usernames or references to rap songs, so I may end up falling back on something dopey like peterpeterbobeter. Here are some of my attempts so far:
crazybutinthegoodway
smartass4lifebi-atch
ittakesanationofmillionstoholdmeback
what'stheworstthatcouldhappen
whatscookingoodlookin
Oh, this is too much fun already!
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4 comments:
1. I love peterpeterbobeter
2. "Shifty" - hahahaha
3. Leave "best feature" blank. It shows you're modest. Although maybe that's not what you're going for...
I'm sure I'll have more. I have to go and re-read.
Winks are ways of "testing the waters". It IS kind of the lazy way of telling someone you're interested, and I think the majority of guys just send them out like nobody's business to anyone and everyone.
Expand your radius! Wouldn't you drive to the ends of the earth for the love of your life?
Username - I would go with something witty, to match your personality. How about:
Peter does Minneapolis - Holla!
Sorry Min, I couldn't resist.
Good Mindy, it's glad to see we're on the same page here. We'll have to set up a meeting to finalize my plan of attack.
Christy - we are not talking about the love of my life. We are talking about Match. If you live outside the 494-694 corridor you do not get to bite off a piece of the Pete action. Frankly I was thinking of narrowing the radius to 10 miles if the truth be told.
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