Washington, DC - A vaguely written bill sponsored by Rep. Bart Stupak (D-Mich.) narrowly passed through House today. Even if the bill somehow makes it through the Senate, it will almost certainly be vetoed by President Bush."The American people put Democrats back and power with a mandate for change," said House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, "and we will use that mandate to pass specious pieces of legislation." Other upcoming items include a no confidence vote on Attorney General Alberto Gonzales and several nonbinding resolutions.
Among other clearly unenforceable clauses, the bill gives the Federal Trade Commission the ability to go after oil companies and other entities if they take an "unfair advantage" or charge "unconscionably excessive" prices, whatever the hell that means. Although not quite as ridiculous as last years Republican proposal of a $100 rebate for gasoline - which was only topped in stupidity by Democrats counter-proposal of a $500 rebate - industry experts agree that the bill is, quite frankly, retarded.
In related news, Chuck Shumer (D-NY) announced at a press conference that he will launch his 8th investigation of the oil industry.
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