The Bachelor: Rome (Episode 5: Let the Type-casting Continue)

This episode involved Lorenzo flying around the States (and then to Venice) to meet the families of the final four girls. The apparent themes from this week's Bachelor: Rome are 1) how to type-cast people on a reality series and 2) what not to do when you bring your date home to meet your parents.

Here are the nuggets of wisdom I have managed to scrape from this cesspool of irrelevance:

Sadie (a.k.a. the virgin, a.k.a. the Christian one) -
Sadie once again proved to be the most boring date, mainly because of her staunch refusal to do anything really stupid. I really like how out of probably ten hours of footage, the editors managed to only include conversations about God, religion, or saving oneself for marriage. Funny, the editors seem to do that every week...

Lisa (a.k.a. the wedding planner) -
Lisa started out strong but made some classic mistakes, although frankly I think almost all of it was staged by the producers. She gets points for being from Portland and having a very cute black pug. So far, so good. When they get to her place, she decides that she and Lorenzo should "paint an Italian fresco" on her living room wall. Say what? Anyway, in case you've been under a rock Lisa has timelined her happily-ever-after as follows: engaged in 1 year, married in 2 years, and kids in 5 years.* Don't worry if you missed it, ABC plays the same footage twice an episode, every episode, in addition to footage about other people talking about it, Lisa fretting over it, etc.

Anyway, in a classic fifth date mistake, Lisa not only forgets that she just happened to leave a huge pile of wedding magazines on her coffee table, but her best friend also happens to bring over a wedding dress for her to try on (which for some ungodly reason she does) and every member of her family happens to bring up her little five-year plan. Now, one might conclude that this is another example of how "reality" show producers manipulate content to type-cast participants** but I would never insinuate such a thing.

Jen (a.k.a. daddy's little girl) -
Hailing from Miami, Florida, so far Jen has managed to avoid serious type-casting. Much like Sadie, Jen doesn't make for great television because she generally doesn't do anything too crazy. Her dad, on the other hand, is another story. My guess is that after Jen made the mistake of mentioning that her dad owns a lot of guns, the producers decided to spice things up a bit. Long story short, Jen's dad pulled out a rifle and cocked it while telling Lorenzo if he treated his daughter poorly he would hunt him down and kill him. Hence, we come to fifth date rule #2: if a member of your family is likely to threaten your date with a gun, maybe you should suggest eating out for dinner.

Agnese (a.k.a. the Italian, a.k.a. the one who doesn't really speak English)
On the last date of the show, Lorenzo met up with Agnese in her hometown of Venice. Venice is of course best known for its romantic canals and the fact that it is slowly sinking into a marsh. As expected, the coverage focused on the fact that Lorenzo didn't speak Italian and only Agnese and her dad kind of spoke English. It was going okay until Agnese's family put on some music and proceeded to do some kind of Italian gig, while wearing what I can only describe as the Italian version of the Paul Revere cap and some sort of theatre mask. Very strange.

My advice to anyone who is being introduced to someone who doesn't speak English (especially if you want to make a good impression): learn a bit of their language, it will go a long way. And no, Lorenzo, shouting "bellissimo" does not score any points.

Alas, tonight was the episode we say good-bye to my favorite, Agnese. You pretty much knew she was going to get cut at some point but we could always hold out hope. Frankly, I think Agnese should get her own reality show.

Next week, the overnight date! Sadie's virginity is put to the ultimate test!! Duh-duh-duh-duh!

*With these talents, maybe Lisa should have planned the Iraq war
**Also see Exhibit A: The Real World