Men should not wear dress shoes that sounds like high heels when they walk. That click-clack sound is just something nobody wants to hear coming from a man. Plus, every time you walk into the bathroom everyone panics because at least for a second they think they accidentally walked into the ladies room.
Another thing to remember is if you get your dress shoes resoled, make sure the bottom of your shoe still matches the rest of it. It irritates me to see otherwise well-dressed men walking in the skyway with shoes that look like someone nailed cardboard to the bottom of them. Sorry, but it pretty much makes you look like you stole your shoes from some poor homeless guy. For the same look you could have just used about five cents worth of duct tape.
In other shoe news: unless you killed it yourself, you are not allowed to wear alligator- or snake-skin shoes. The jury is still out on huge feather boas and pimp canes.
Another unfortunate trend I have seen lately is men wearing clogs. I can tolerate the clog-as-slipper maneuver, but wearing these in public is a big n-to-the-o in my book.I hate to do this because I appreciate the fact that they prevent me from hearing Kevin Federline's Popozao or whatever junk you are listening to, but wearing those huge noise canceling headphones in public is just plain ridiculous. These belong in the studio or a nightclub, or maybe on a Greyhound bus. Whenever I see this it's like "Where's the turntable? Where's the fucking bubble machine?"
Getting back to dress clothes, gangster collars and suits with more than three buttons are not acceptable either. Gangster collars have relatively long points and are very narrow in the front, mainly popularized by mobster movies. In modern times, they can be seen on fashion disasters such as Michael Irvin or on people who get all of their fashion sense from watching Goodfellas. Much like disco music and tie dye, this is a trend that should have been dragged out into street and shot a long time ago. If you want something trendy, try a spread collar. Just make sure to tie the knot big enough. Knucklehead.
And as far as suits with more than three buttons - just don't go there. Unless your name is T.D. Jakes things are not going to work out for you. As an example of why, please refer once again to exhibit A: Michael Irvin. I mean seriously, would someone at ESPN tell him to stop dressing like Archbishop Don Magic Juan? These suits use waaaaay to much fabric for anyone other than huge evangelical preachers to wear.
2 comments:
Man-heels (ie, those shoes on men that sound like they're women's heels) are the worst thing ever. Anytime I see/hear a man wearing them, I think to myself "Really? You feel masculine in those?"
Feather boas, however, obviously rock.
The only men that belong wearing "man clogs" are male nurses, for whom they were designed. And, even in this case they do not need to be worn in public, lest someone find out that you are a male nurse.
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