Saturday, October 14, 2006

What Not to Wear: Pete Edition (Part II)

Due to the overwhelming response to my last post on avoiding fashion disasters, I have decided to blog some more on this topic.

Tasseled loafers - I don't know what the question is, but I can tell you that tasselled loafers are not the answer.

In gangster related news, both uber-baggy pants and having one pant leg pulled up are both out. Regarding the former, how are you going to be a hard-core O.G. when you can't even run from the cops? Have you ever tried to run with your pants down around your ankles? Nothing is going to ruin your street cred like waddling away from a crime scene like the fucking Penguin and then doing a face-plant on the sidewalk. At least the one pant leg pulled up look makes you look dangerous. Why? Because you would have to be one of the most dangerous people on this planet to avoid the beat downs this fashion disaster would normally engender. In other news, huge clock necklaces are still awesome.

Ladies: never, ever wear Ugg boots - or any shoe that resembles some kind of snow boot for that matter. It doesn't matter how cute you are, you will look really dumb and risk being beaten up. The message you will be broadcasting to the world is "I am a mindless fashion automaton who will buy anything no matter how overpriced and/or stupid it looks if Cosmo says it's hip."

While you're at it, just say ell-hay o-nay to any kind of oversized Onassis sunglasses. Occasionally you can find someone who actually looks good in these. Alas, you are not one of those people.

Here we have a picture of Paris Hilton violating both of these bedrock principles, as seen on Go Fug Yourself. Actually, I'm pretty sure she stole those sunglasses from Evil Knievel. Either way, this look is not saved by the custom-embroidered sky blue sweats and K-mart tank top combo with matching white denim vest.

In a surprise move, the Peter Fashion Seal of Approval goes to the sports jacket and jeans look. For a while I thought this look was too contrived, but I've decided I actually like it.

4 comments:

christine said...

Please don't take away the Jackie O glasses! They are the best recipe for a just got out of bed, no-make up wearing trip to pick up my Sunday morning coffee and paper.

m said...

I heard somewhere that having one pant leg pulled up meant you were a drug dealer. Is that true? You seem to be very gangsta, so I think you're the right person to come to with this question.

Peter said...

Christy - well, I'll have to see you in your shades. Maybe I'll give you a pass.

Mindy - it's not clear where the one pant leg pulled up look started. In some places, it is or has been used as a gang identifier. It became was made popular in the mainstream by LL Cool J in the 80s. Bikers also do it but for more pragmatic reasons.

Anonymous said...

Um, like, you are so, like, not at all right about the glasses thing, Mr. Unzipped. I look totally hot in gigantic glasses! Mostly because they cover up my hideous looking face.

That's hot.