Why Dogs Are Better Than Women

Recently, Mindy posted a list of reasons why she thinks dogs are better than men. Or I should say why some other people think dogs are better than men because all she did was lift it off the internet. She’s busy though, I know. Anyway, even Mindy knew she would “catch some slack” over it, and she was right – such provocation cannot go unanswered. Of course, I actually took the effort to create an original list.

1. Kissing a dog will not give you mononucleosis.
2. Dogs don’t sit around with each other and talk about how big so-and-so’s engagement ring is.
3. Dogs won’t break up with you because you are “too nice.”
4. It doesn’t take dogs very long to figure out who wears the pants in the relationship.
5. Dogs don’t constantly hold things you’ve said against you and then wonder why you don’t want to talk more.
6. Dogs have much higher self-esteem and you don’t need to remind them that you love them every ten minutes or so.
7. Dogs do not send pictures of celebrity crotch shots to your work e-mail.
8. Dogs can keep a secret.
9. Dogs are comfortable with the fact that you have other dog friends.
10. Dogs don’t hog the sheets.
11. A dog realizes that the entire world does not revolve around it.
12. Dogs are not bothered by your giganto porn stash.
13. Dogs are not impressed by “bad boys.”
14. If it’s your fourth night together and you are so exhausted that you’ve been having problems keeping your eyes open all during dinner and just want to lie down and snuggle and watch TV, a dog will not go into another room and cry because you don’t want to make out with it.
15. Dogs are not embarrassed by your dancing.
16. The results of dog hormones are usually quite amusing.
17. Dogs are comfortable being naked.
18. A dog will not make you sit through Legends of the Fall.
19. Dogs will not insist that you take their Tarot readings seriously.
20. Dogs do not ask stupid questions like “do I look fat in this?”
21. Dogs do not play hard to get.
22. Dogs don’t break up with you after two months by not returning your phone calls.
23. On average, dogs are much cuter.
24. A dog is happy to commit to you even if you don’t drop five grand on a diamond ring.
25. Dogs do not take notice of what watch you are wearing.
26. Dogs do not talk to you in a baby voice and make up idiotic nicknames for you, particularly those referencing nursery rhymes.
27. When your dog makes you feel guilty, you usually deserve it.
28. Dogs don’t harass you for information on previous dog relationships and then use it against you no matter what it is.
29. A dog will not remind you that it wanted to marry a doctor, and neither will its mother.
30. At least you have some idea what your dog is thinking.