Ask Dr. Pete: Men and Making Plans

Mindy writes:

Why do men have so much trouble making plans for next weekend, yet they still somehow are able to plan their lives 5 years out?

Thanks for the question Mindy, although it's a loaded one and contrary to the obvious fact that women appear to have a much harder time making plans than men. For example: see #2 here. Also see: all women I've ever known. But we could go back and forth all night about how I'm right and you're wrong, so I'll play along with your little fantasy here.

First off planning out five years is easy because usually it's usually high-level and we know we are unlikely to be held accountable for it. How many times has someone asked you how your five year plan was going? Not too often I imagine. Even those of us who actually do have the next several years planned out neatly on an Excel spreadsheet do not get asked about it.

As for why men have so many problems planning for the weekend, through a rigorous double-blind study I have determined the following main causes of this behavior:

1. He is hoping something better will come alone. The most noxious of offenders is the guy that makes plans with you while really waiting for something better to come along. Plans made are usually vague, such as "let's get together on Saturday" so that the jackass can back out of them more easily. Said jackass is unlikely to mention the plans again, and if pressed as to why he wasn't answering his phone all day you usually get some crappy excuse like his battery died.

2. He doesn't like you but doesn't have the heart to tell you. Similar to above, he may find you terribly embarrassing to be with in public and cannot stand the fact that you blame all of your problems on everything besides yourself and don't do a damn thing to fix them. However, he knows that you are a nice person and have no other friends to speak of, and so has a hard telling you that if he never saw you again it would be too soon.

3. He is engaging in a power struggle. He is tired of you bossing him around and this is a passive aggressive way of regaining hand in the relationship. Instead of broaching the subject directly, he drags his feet believing this allows him to control the situation although the more likely result is a one-way ticket to dumpsville. You are now free to suck the life blood from your next victim.

4. He is totally overwhelmed by everyday events. Making plans means making commitments, and he finds himself terribly overwhelmed by all of this. He feels he is always under pressure and cannot possibly add anything else on his plate, even though his typical weeknight involves taking out the trash and watching several hours of Animal Planet.

5. What he really wants is another entry in his cell phone directory. We all know these people. Generally they do not want to commit to something unless they see something in it for them. They like to develop as many networking contacts as possible and enjoy counting the number of people in their address book, believing this to be some measure of self worth.